I was the first one to have my short story workshopped. I titled it "Something Borrowed", and because we have an odd number of people, I was able to have today all to myself. I lot of people said that they liked my story. They were horrified at first when it looked like the girl was trying to hit on the main character, but once the plot twist kicked in and it came to light that he was a ghost and she was encouraging him to possess her body so that she could take him to her family's facility, a sort of foster home for ghosts, they were more okay with it.
As expected, my teacher didn't like it very much, though. The critique she handed back to me was covered in comments about how she wanted to know my narrator was a ghost straight off instead of several pages in, and that my story was chock-full of "Meaningless chit-chat".
Well, sure. The point of this story was to deliberately make it look like this was going to lead to romantic escapades, but then reveal that there wasn't going to be anything of the kind. The dialogue was chosen specifically so that it either looks like Cathleen is flirting with Andrew, or that she's offering herself as a vessel for him to slip into, being a ghost and all, depending on what you know going in. The point is that the beginning was intended to make the reader a little uncomfortable. It doesn't have an uncomfortable ending. That's the joke.
To me, it was hilarious, but my teacher didn't seem to think the set-up was necessary. She wanted me to cut almost all the dialogue, and have Cathleen basically walk in, get Andrew out of his house, and walk out. I don't think we were on the same page. I can understand that she's trying to make my story the best that it can be (and ensure it's appropriate enough for the younger crowd that it could be published, I suppose), but I just wanted to have fun with this. Oh well. Now I need to do my rewrite and my summary report about why I made the changes that I did. That will probably be fun, although it's really a story you can only get the punch and plot twist out of once.
My teacher also said that she wanted me to change the title "Something Borrowed" to "Borrowed Bodies". I didn't agree with this decision. First of all, it either tips the reader off to the idea that there is going to be a body possession or switch of some kind, or it sounds incredibly creepy if you go into this thinking there's romance going on here. I like "Something Borrowed" because it feels sort of vague, poetic, and mystical. It's also part of the couplet, "Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue", which I found appropriate since the first line of this piece is, "She was blue like him, but in a different way."
It was just a small critique, but it surprised me to see my teacher so vehement about it. I'm glad that many of my classmates enjoyed the story, although they were all disappointed with the ending, which involved Andrew having a breakdown after learning what became of his son after his death. My peers all expressed disappointment over the fact that Andrew didn't make it to the "ghost foster home", and some were even upset that I had included their destination at all, saying it was "pointless" to include mention of it if Andrew and Cathleen only made it halfway there before Andrew's son, Jake, attacked them in the spooky woods.
For clarification, it's revealed at the end of the story that Jake has been harassing Cathleen for some time, and she was hoping she could convince Andrew to talk some sense into him. My teacher said that it didn't make logical sense for Cathleen to be so opposed to Jake's unsolicited advances when she was perfectly fine giving her consent to Andrew when she invited him to possess her body. Hmm.
As expected, my teacher didn't like it very much, though. The critique she handed back to me was covered in comments about how she wanted to know my narrator was a ghost straight off instead of several pages in, and that my story was chock-full of "Meaningless chit-chat".
Well, sure. The point of this story was to deliberately make it look like this was going to lead to romantic escapades, but then reveal that there wasn't going to be anything of the kind. The dialogue was chosen specifically so that it either looks like Cathleen is flirting with Andrew, or that she's offering herself as a vessel for him to slip into, being a ghost and all, depending on what you know going in. The point is that the beginning was intended to make the reader a little uncomfortable. It doesn't have an uncomfortable ending. That's the joke.
To me, it was hilarious, but my teacher didn't seem to think the set-up was necessary. She wanted me to cut almost all the dialogue, and have Cathleen basically walk in, get Andrew out of his house, and walk out. I don't think we were on the same page. I can understand that she's trying to make my story the best that it can be (and ensure it's appropriate enough for the younger crowd that it could be published, I suppose), but I just wanted to have fun with this. Oh well. Now I need to do my rewrite and my summary report about why I made the changes that I did. That will probably be fun, although it's really a story you can only get the punch and plot twist out of once.
My teacher also said that she wanted me to change the title "Something Borrowed" to "Borrowed Bodies". I didn't agree with this decision. First of all, it either tips the reader off to the idea that there is going to be a body possession or switch of some kind, or it sounds incredibly creepy if you go into this thinking there's romance going on here. I like "Something Borrowed" because it feels sort of vague, poetic, and mystical. It's also part of the couplet, "Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue", which I found appropriate since the first line of this piece is, "She was blue like him, but in a different way."
It was just a small critique, but it surprised me to see my teacher so vehement about it. I'm glad that many of my classmates enjoyed the story, although they were all disappointed with the ending, which involved Andrew having a breakdown after learning what became of his son after his death. My peers all expressed disappointment over the fact that Andrew didn't make it to the "ghost foster home", and some were even upset that I had included their destination at all, saying it was "pointless" to include mention of it if Andrew and Cathleen only made it halfway there before Andrew's son, Jake, attacked them in the spooky woods.
For clarification, it's revealed at the end of the story that Jake has been harassing Cathleen for some time, and she was hoping she could convince Andrew to talk some sense into him. My teacher said that it didn't make logical sense for Cathleen to be so opposed to Jake's unsolicited advances when she was perfectly fine giving her consent to Andrew when she invited him to possess her body. Hmm.
