This is my 100th post on this blog! I've been living away from home for one hundred days. Wow.
I woke up a bit late, but I still had enough time to eat breakfast and get ready before I headed off to church. I made it right on time. We combined with one of the other wards since so many people were still out of town for the holiday.
It was a pretty good sacrament meeting. One of the speakers talked about "sunlight" and "son light", or sunshine mentioned in the scriptures being a metaphor for the light of Jesus. Apparently she used to have incredibly bad eyes (I believe she said 20/2600, and legally blind is 20/2400, or something). Her eyes were too bad for Lasik, but she did have a surgery that involved putting a contact lens in her eye permanently, or something. I think. It was a very interesting talk either way.
After church, I came home for a bit, ate some cake, and headed out later to have my temple recommend interview. I told Mom not to bother bringing my old recommend up since it was expired, but I forgot that she could have brought the small plastic card holder for me. For now, I don't have one. But at least I do have an active recommend now, and I felt the Spirit strongly as I was answering questions for the bishop. That was nice. I haven't felt the Spirit very much for a very long time, which is surprising to me because I don't think I've been doing anything particularly wrong, really. I may not be the person who goes out and finds people to serve constantly, but I don't think of myself as a bad person.
That's been hard for me, constantly wondering if I've done something to offend the Lord or if I actually am feeling the Spirit for years on end. Sure, I still feel it on rare occasion, but only then- on rare occasion. Like... maybe twelve times in the last five years, if not ten. But I never felt like I could talk about it with anyone in case I accidentally denied the existence of the Holy Ghost (which, if I remember correctly, is a very big sin that may or may not be "unforgivable", so yeah, I wasn't about to play around there).
... But I've been thinking and praying about it for several years now and I believe that I've simply become very accustomed to having the Spirit. I keep it with me constantly and I live a righteous life, so it can be difficult to detect His presence at times, except in the situations where I can definitely feel His influence very strongly. Weird how things work out that way, isn't it?
Apparently though, He wanted to show up today and confirm that yes, I am worthy to hold my recommend and enter the temple. It was welcome and nice and I hope He knows that I'm up for feeling like that all the time. I guess He sits at an imaginary kitchen table in my soul, eyeing the pantry and trying to work up the courage to ask for something to eat. Perhaps He needs more feeding?
I came home after the interview, of course. Demetria wasn't back yet, so I figured I'd get some studying done. As I was preparing to do that, I decided to check on my horticulture grades. I have an 87% in the class right now. My essay about Thanksgiving Point was finally graded, and I only scored a 90% on it. Drat. That would have been nice to know when I turned it in a few months ago, especially if he gave me time to make changes before I submitted it closer to when it was actually due. I thought I did everything right with it, but I'll have to ask my teacher when I see him tomorrow.
I got some studying done. I'm reviewing some older horticulture notes, which I haven't had the chance to do since I've been studying more recent things. I'm growing more and more wary about this and the chocolate final. I should be able to manage all right, but it doesn't look like I'll be getting an A in either class. I might score an A- or even too, but on the other hand, I might not.
It's strange to me, since I never had to study much in high school and always came out with excellent grades, but now when I really am studying, I'm tripping over my own feet. Welcome to college, I guess. I just need to find good ways to retain the information that I'm learning. And I need to keep my grades up so I don't lose my scholarships. Both of those are good things.
